“you should float between the borders” she says

oh, but i do, I think
i exist between the borders
have dwelt there, and here,
for a lifetime, or two, it seems...

between the borders that define sexuality,
between the borders that define culture, dual identity,
between this living in, and out, of my mind
between the borders of your skin and mine,

boundaries defined and blurred

celebration and denial of self

knowing and not

patience and haste

between, between, between

between here and there
nowhere it seems, at times...

in my vulnerability
in the fragile state
where i feel like
anything
and everything
that touches me
sears my flesh
and blisters my soul,
this is where i find my strength

“Some days bring you more than 24 hours ahead in your life. It’s like your back tires are stuck in the mud, spinning around and around, until suddenly you hit a rock and you take off. Life is like that. It spins over and over in the same place for days, weeks, months, then something happens and you’re blasted light years away from the hole you had dug for yourself.”

Author - Sylvia Olsen

That’s what I’ve been doing these last years, spinning in the mud, waiting for the rock.....

it is one’s capacity to forgive others
it is having compassion
it is behaving with dignity
it is maintaining hope when one’s world is crumbling
it is the power to rebuild one’s life after the night has passed
it is the ability to laugh at one’s self
it is the ability to learn from mistakes
it is the capacity to love again and again.....

numbness serves
when emotions threaten to overwhelm
to drown me
in their shear intensity
until i have no breath
with which to cry out