my narcotic

was
to go numb...
don't feel
it's too intense
afraid i'd get lost in my mind
never to touch
reality again

the problem with choosing to feel nothing
over feeling the darkness
is that
i'd trained myself,
quite adroitly,
to also question
joy,
and love

i'd chosen perception
over reality,
control
over risking

i'm risking now,
but only a little,
baby steps

i want
to be who
i am
on the inside

i want
to shout out
to the world
what's inside my head
what's inside my heart

i want
to let go
to live it fully
to not be afraid

i want...
like i said,
baby steps...