my life is shifting..i'm making it shift...small incremental twinges in the validity of old paradigms are being challenged....new ways of seeing, of believing, of acting, of being, are explored... and relished...

where this goes, where i go, remains a mystery, and that excites me...i'm realizing that the journey is not to get to a final destination; the journey is life...

so i'm moving...well, i moved...to wordpress. please come visit me and leave a few words at http://pacificfemme.wordpress.com/

j.

on the red-eye to new york tomorrow night....my first visit to the "big apple"....i'm getting excited....i just can't decide what to pack...

who needs a pillow...? looks pretty comfy to me....

i now remember why i don't let myself sleep in on sunday mornings....it makes trying to get to sleep on sunday nights a bitch!

so here i am six hours before i'm due to awake, wide awake, and frustrated....frustrated because i cannot sleep....frustrated because there are lose ends in some of my relationships right now, and thats hard for me....frustrated because i have to be patient for other things in my life, and that's also hard....

i guess i'm just in a bad place or a few hours....this too shall pass....

for the sake of equal air time....
this is my other little one, waverly...she's quiet, gentle, shy, and often harassed by panda... :)

this is one of my two "babies". her name is panda bear and i'd say she's a "special needs" kitty...seriously....

lately though, she's gotten even odder....it's my fault - i've been away too much, and now she's has become quite needy....i need a kitty nanny!

i sit in a hotel room....with a few minutes of retrospection before friends arrive for a night out....and here's what i'm thinking:

the journey to stay true to one's self is not an easy road....especially so if a person has spent a whole life not knowing who that is....but the effort is worth it....

i absolutely adore tall strong, confident, sexy women with husky voices...

i'm riding a high of commiting my life to me....taking better care of myself physically, mentally, and emotionally....

i'm going to get another tattoo to commemorate this year....( i just had my other one recoloured...ouch...)

i'm looking in the mirror and liking what i see...this person looking back at me is even kinda cute :)

cherry blossom trees tickle my soul...

the value of authentic, honest, caring people is incalculable. it seems these days that these are rare and valuable human beings. cherish them....

off to find some trouble to get into..... :)

j.

i wish i had the words to describe today....hard, thoughtful, real, significant, draining...i guess i had the words after all...

isn't it odd how a person can hold seemingly conflicting emotions at the same time....i'm both fearful and excited about the future....i'm both sad and contented that i'm moving through some difficult issues....i even seem to be able to hold resentment and forgiveness together in some sort of twisted ball....i suppose i have to unravel some of those threads.... :)

a thought to meditate upon: to give from the heart is to give without expectation of being thanked....to truly love is to love without expectation of having it returned....

goodnight.