Saturday, October 13, 2007


the rain is still falling, the sky still a blanket of dull grey...and as i look out into it, i am thinking that it is a metaphor for how i've been feeling the last couple of weeks...i've been walking around doing what i need to so, putting on a smile when i need to, engaging in conversation when i have to, and all the time feeling quite dark and low...
all i do is lay on the couch and watch t.v., and eat junk - lots of it. i decline invitations to socialize, not wanting to be around anyone but a few people at a time...i've been here before, many times...i just try to ride it out, hoping that something will turn, something will click, and the grey will separate to reveal the vibrant colours that i know exist somewhere.
i know this happens for many people. i'm not unique in feeling depressed...
and i know the reasons i'm here...some i can work on resolving... others will have to wait for time to pass. i know i need to get outside into some fresh air and get some exercise, but instead, i curse the damn rain...i need to stop waiting for something to shift the grey, i need to do it myself...

3 comments:

alan said...

In my early 40's I read Hedy Lamarr's autobiography. In it she spoke of years of therapy, and finally learning on her own that life was like a pendulum; happiness and sadness are two sides of the line it swings back and forth through; it will never stop, and no matter how far it swings one way it will swing back the other. (My paraphrasing her.)

It was something I wish I had learned much much younger, and that I still am trying to remind myself of 10 years later...

May the grey give way to blue skies in your soul if not outside!

alan

jl said...

thank-you alan. that helps.
i think i might track down her autobiography.

KellyNerd said...

here is to sunny skies through your eyes...