we're supposed to be tough...independent...supposed be strong and move on...that's what i told myself about life...that's what many of us think, or do...or try to do.....

but, in the realities of our our existences, this is not what happens...we move on, not having dealt with the myriad of issues we face, or experiences we live through...and inevitably, the past catches up to us...it surfaces no matter how hard, or how fast, we run...no matter what obstacles we try to put in the way, how many untruths we convince ourselves of in our attempts to cope...

and when the past does catch up, and forces us to look into its dark recesses, we can begin to know who we really are...for in the struggle to bring light into those dark places, we can also begin to know the potential of who we can be...

i write this for myself, for those who have been there, and for those who are there now....for someone i know curled up in his hospital room not able to deal with the world and what he has lost in it anymore...

i write this because i feel hope...for the first time in a long time....and because there are always first steps...