i'm sitting on the skytrain watching people. the air is faintly sour with the dampness so many people on a wet, grey day. i wonder if i am seeing the day reflected in the dreary faces of the strangers getting on and off at each stop, or if i'm projecting what i'm feeling onto them...

i see a hardened thin man, silver rings glinting off each finger, rise from his seat, and reach far under another row to fish out an empty coke can rolling around the floor. i am thinking that he must need the few cents he will get for recycling it... instead, i see him raise the empty can to his lips and try to suck out whatever drops of sugary liquid that remain...i think that must have been a powerful thirst....and i wonder what chemical substances in him are causing his body to scream for such nourishment...

i had a long day yesterday... gave a couple of workshops , which always exhausts me, wanting to make sure that i haven't wasted the time of those who came to learn....met, and made, a new sweet, funny, intelligent friend who i new previously only through her blog...went to a hockey game, sat beside a dear friend i care so much about, cheered along my team, who didn't win in the end (but that was okay)...and sat for a few minutes with more friends, winding up the day over a drink and a chat.

it was good. it was busy. no time for reflection - just trying to stay with the moments...

i didn't get my walk in the crisp fall air, crunching the dried leaves of autumn. the rains turned the leaves, and sidewalks they rest on, slick with wetness. but maybe later during my next visit...

i'm still trying to process so many things. i keep thinking that i can get things worked out in my mind..like i have a task to work through, then i'll feel better about what i have and won't have in my life. maybe that's where i go wrong. maybe i can't work it through. maybe i can't make myself feel okay about where i am (figuratively). maybe i just have to keep living my life day to day. keep making contact with people, and trust that i'll be okay in the end...