"if wishes were horses, i'd ride forever"

i wish....i try to not wish too much (action is generally better than wishing)...but today i do wish something - i wish i had a thicker skin. i've wished this before. i tried to make my wish come true by acting as if i do..but i don't...i never have...

it's taken me ten years to develop a thicker skin in my career - not too thick 'cause it takes a cetain sensitivity to work well with children, but enough that i can weather the daily highs and lows.

my personal life is another matter. i've often wanted to be someone else, someone who is not buffeted to and fro by her emotions, by the words or deeds of others, someone who does not come to tears when feeling something intensely. but, that's not me either....no matter what, i cannot seem to change the part of me that takes things personally, that feels things intensely...

i try to rationalize...i know that often when i am hurt by the words or actions of people i care about, it isn't because they have intended to make me feel that way. but, somehow, that doesn't seem to help. i wish it were any other way. i really do want to have a thicker skin, to not read too much into things, to be able to let things not affect me so much....it would make my life immensely easier....